“We take pleasure in the vistas outside … Yet we pass by ourselves.”
… Neena Verma, PhD, PCC
We often talk and hear of coaching others. Not so often though, we hear a story of coaching self. Of the few experiences that I have, I have found coaching myself a deeply transformative and humbling experience. In this blog post, I share in brief what makes it possible for me to stay appreciative, curious, compassionate, authentic, and courageous, while coaching myself.
Wonder – I realize that holding myself & my patterns in wonder helped me be more easily acceptant and courageous towards myself, others & context. When I am holding myself, others and our shared contexts as unfolding experience, an attitude of curiosity begins to guide my perceptual process, while judgments & prejudices sit aside. It remains difficult, and yet also gets easy, to see through own & others’ shadows with curiosity, rather than fear, anger, guilt or worry. Each moment & movement unfurls a new perspective, a new insight & a new possibility, when I am curious.
Authenticity – Sometimes driven by our innate complexes, we un-awaringly begin manoeuvring ourselves. Yet, it is easy to be deceptive to the world outside, not to oneself. Yes, It is hard to bare oneself to oneself. Courage with oneself may get harder because it is not easy to mirror oneself. Even when outside experiences/factors are there to mirror, it may not be easy to realize that we can be in self-illusion. But being authentic with oneself is liberating in a way that nothing else may be.
Embodying Values – Being able to stay aware of & living one’s values is deeply empowering. As a person & coach, Conscious embodiment of my values helps me create a space for others to live their values & preferences, even when there is a perceived or real conflict.
Holding space – This is a common reference term in coaching or other helping professions. As coaches & helping professionals, we strive to create & hold coaching/helping space for others to experience, discover & explore themselves with compassion, authenticity & mindfulness. We bring to our coaching/helping work, the best of our presence, offer silence, connect with care, challenge & nurturance. But it is rarely that we think of creating & holding space for oneself to unfold organically. So how does one do that! Well I don’t know if there is one definite way, not even for me. It just happens, if I let it happen. Sitting beside myself, not-knowing, not-doing … is not something that came easy to me. I had to let go of myself. I had to let myself be drowned, and washed away, and amazingly I came flowing, and I emerged. Go ahead … explore ‘holding space for yourself’ and let the experience speak to you. Just don’t ask ‘how’ … when it happens, be present, allow & flow.
Dance in the moment – ‘Social Constructionism’ tells us “reality is co-created in the moment, and there is no one absolute reality”. Human beings, their contexts and relationships are “dance in the moment”. Being aware of how my attitudinal & response patterns are contributing towards shaping my contexts, helps me own my circumstances, choices and consequences.
‘Appreciative Inquiry’ (AI) evokes immense curiosity in the context of individual & systemic learning & growth. That said, often we mistake ‘AI’ as appreciation. Truth is, ‘inquiry’ is the essential process, and ‘appreciation’ the essential mindset. And ‘appreciation’ is a vast and expansive phenomenon that starts from noticing, recognising, acknowledging & affirming, to valuing, amplifying, growing and taking to next higher level.
“Coaching Self … Appreciative Way” means inquiring within with an appreciative mindset, not just appreciating oneself. Inquiring within appreciatively helps us focus on what is working & how, so we can flow with that & grow more of that. Try it … abundance awaits you on the others side.
Happy ‘Coaching Self … Appreciative Way’
Curious to know your views & experience … do chime back.
With appreciation & light
Neena Verma, PhD, PCC
