Namaste.
Trust you all are at your healthy, happy and appreciative best.
It has been three months since I got discharged from hospital after a near-death encounter with corona. Thanks to Almighty God’s benevolent grace, the medical team’s expert care, prayers of my family, and kind wishes of many – my 35-days long hospitalization, for most part in ICU and on oxygen support, gratefully culminated in my doctor saying “born again”. By the grace of God, my husband’s infection was not serious and he had a relatively smooth recovery.
I had become oxygen dependent at home itself, a week before we could secure hospital beds. My body was in acute distress & pain, and my condition was deteriorating with every passing minute. I remained restless for some days. A moment came when I had a stark feeling of death seeing me in the eyes. I couldn’t feel my body. I couldn’t feel myself in my body. I was slipping into a dark limbo. From seconds to minutes to hours to days to weeks, the liminal experience of being in-between lingered on.
And then, almost mystically I began feeling more and more calm, peaceful and acceptant within and outside. Few words from a poem that I had written in early April started to sing in my heart. No profound poetry coming from some serious contemplation. It was like most of my free writing, a few spontaneous words or lines, mostly on the run and in the flow-of-the moment way. Here are the specific words that began buzzing –
“What is the angry full river
without the tiny gentle stream
that chooses to drift away
to drench and nourish a barren valley”
… Neena Verma, 10th April 2021
Pain began to melt and fear disappeared, even though my physiological condition continued to remain grim, and despite the wide-spread pain and trauma in the atmosphere around. Somewhere a consciousness shift happened – from the angry full river of corona, to the tiny gentle stream of faith, hope and resilience within, that was choosing to stay in flow, and heal and nourish my traumatized body. Something inside inspired me to transcend the anxiety for whether the next breath would happen or not, and move towards gratitude for the breath that happened against all odds and hope.
This and more, my corona journey left me with several precious moments of meaning and life-lessons, along-side the continued harrowing post-covid complications. I offer my gratitude to corona as well for the meaningful life lessons, which are helping me endure post-covid trials with deeper compassion and warmer strength, and live a more meaning-inspired life.
I had learnt from my transcended son Utkarsh (then twelve) that the true essence of prayer is THANK-YOU. And that is what I offer for all of humankind – today and forever. For the kind wishes and prayers that poured from all over during my illness, all that I have is a heart full of gratitude, love and blessings.
Stay safe, healthy and blessed my dear friends. Breathe THANK-YOU , and watch this space for the precious life-lessons from my Corona Journal.
With love & light
Neena